


Shadowman- Part 1

by IKEAwhatyoudidthere



Series: Shadowman [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars Original Trilogy, The Hangover (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19273723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKEAwhatyoudidthere/pseuds/IKEAwhatyoudidthere
Summary: It is July, 1978 and James Potter is soon to marry the love of his life, Lily.On a Muggle themed 'Stag Night', James will meet new friends and see a side of himself he never thought to ever see.Despite Lily's threats to 'behave', Sirius has planned a grand adventure for the lads, however, it comes with one condition: they have to take along Severus Snape.After visiting 'Shadowman', the grand adventure takes a series of unforseen turns, but with the three Marauders in the thick of it, and a sworn enemy tagging along- what could go wrong on this epic bachelor party?  What could go right?





	1. What happened last night?

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [TheFairestOfTheRare](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFairestOfTheRare/pseuds/TheFairestOfTheRare) in the [BTSS2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/BTSS2019) collection. 



> A/N: Inspired by the ‘Before the Spring Snaps’ Disney/HP crossover.  
> Prompt: Shadowman from ‘The Princess and the Frog’
> 
> Note: shameless references to ‘The Hangover’ and ‘Star Wars’ movies; illicit drug use; swearing, and general 'riddikulusness'  
> Shout out to my beautiful friend/beta WildflowerWeasley, your encouragement, banter, brainstorming and entertaining the ridiculousness- has not only inspired me but will hopefully make me a better and more confident writer. Big hugs to you!
> 
>  
> 
> All characters belong to JK Rowling- although, JK, If you are reading, these guys would have so much fun together....
> 
> If you'd like more of delicious ridicculousness, please hit the subscribe button

  

Part 1

  1.            What happened last Night?



 

Sunday: July 30, 1978

12:00pm

 

Sirius Black groaned as he fell back into the reality that was waking up.  His head! Oh gods! His fucking head! It felt like it had been split open like a watermelon dropped onto a hard floor, like his brains were leaking over the cold surface beneath him. Gingerly, he moved— half afraid, and cracked his eye to see if the wetness was indeed his brains.

What he saw was brightness, and when his eyes adjusted, he saw that he was lying on stark white tiles.  Moving his head some more, he saw that the wetness he felt was a mixture of blood and drool and the cold tiles beneath him.  He rolled over onto his back; arm tossed across his eyes to shield the sunlight coming from a window. Where the hell was he?

Taking a quick breath in and adjusting to the daylight, he turned his head to the other side, catching sight of black hair under a blanket.

Well, it couldn't be all bad, if he managed to get a shag last night, could it?  The problem was, he couldn’t remember last night. He had no idea who the bird was next to him, where he was, or why he was on a cold floor with blood coming from his mouth.

Ok.  The walk of shame it was then.  He was adept at this and unless it was a toad-faced troll next to him, he doubted if there would be much shame at all.

He felt down. Ok, so, not naked.  But there was something sticking into his back.

Mindful of his throbbing head, he sat up.  Yes. Definitely a bathroom. It looked familiar, but right now it was beyond his hope to piece together where he’d seen this place before.

It also wasn’t really that bright, not now his eyes had adjusted.

He reached around, looking for his wand.  Gone.

He panicked then.  Looking around the room, sharp pain in his temple at the movement, he saw it, sticking out of a roll of toilet paper.  What the actual fuck? Never mind though, he’d Accio it and be off. His back still hurt and he realized that there was something attached to it.  Looking over his shoulders he saw a pair of wings — not glorious angelic wings (obviously, not dead then), but the ones small children wore, all sparkly and iridescent and… pink.

Sirius stood, looking at himself in the bathroom mirror.  He looked like shit; looked like he’d been dragged through the mud, and maybe a field or two backward.  He groaned- he looked like he’d been eaten by Mountain Troll and shat out the other end. He grimaced at his reflection. His eyes were veined and red, nestled in purple bags, his hair had leaves stuck in at odd angles, his face had smeared blood on it, and… what the bloody fuck?! Where the cunty fuck was his tooth?!

What the fuck happened last night.  Where was James?

 

 


	2. The Three Broomsticks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could go wrong when three friends are forced to share an evening with someone they have despised for years? What happens when you add Muggle alcohol and 'other things' into the mix?...

  1. The Three Broomsticks



 

Saturday: July 29, 1978

5.30pm

 

“Just take the fucking drink Snivellus.  We told Lily we’d treat you like one of the boys,  _ so _ if you want to be treated like a man and not a pussy, then take the fucking shot.”  Sirius pouted — he hadn’t wanted the slimy prick out with them on the night that should have belonged to just ‘them’; it was James’ stag night for fuck sake, not some pity party for the desperately unfriendable. 

Severus glared across the table at Sirius, lip curling as he saw the man roll his eyes.  He considered whether he should take the shot, weighing up whether taking the drink would shut Black up, at least until the imbeciles would pass out and leave him alone.

He looked around the table finding three pairs of eyes on him.  Potter, despite what he presumed was masked disgust at having him at the table, at least tried to disguise it.  Lily must really have him under her thumb; but if it meant that she was happy, he would endure this as well. She’d told him he was her family and Muggles celebrated ‘stag nights’ with both sides of the family as a bonding experience and that he was invited to James’ ‘Muggle Stag Night’, He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he'd rather lick the halls of Hogwarts clean than spend an evening with Potter and his mangey mates.   So here he was… at least for now. At least until his little ‘gift’ set to work.

It was the wolf that spoke first.

“Snape, I promise that it’s just straight up Jägermeister.  Have you had it before?” Remus looked at him directly, and he couldn’t tell if this was some sort of trick despite trying to use Legilimency on him.  Damn his bloody Lupine brain! “I thought you’d appreciate the crafting of this, it’s made with 56 different herbs, fruits, roots, and spices — quite delicious when you get a taste for it really.” He looked at the four shot glasses of the dark liquid.

Sirius at least had stopped looking at him, instead appearing to study the label on the bottle, running his fingers over the illustrated stag.

“C’mon Sev,  — can I call you that?  I know only Lily calls you that, and, well, it’s important to her for us all to be friends, and we’ll sort of be family when we’re married… so let’s make tonight a night where we leave the past behind us and start a new page, hey?  What do you say? Friends?” and then the idiot was holding his hand out across the table. Black groaned and threw his head back against the wall of the booth where they sat at the Three Broomsticks. Remus elbowed him sharply.

“Fuck off Moony!”  Sirius rubbed his ribs and punched his friend in the arm. “Look, if he won’t drink it, then I will, I’m not going to waste it!”

Severus looked at the outstretched hand.  He’d rather jinx it than shake it, but despite his animosity, he reached over and shook the hand, conciliating a truce  — for tonight at least.

“Very well, Potter.  For Lily. But forgive me if trust has not yet been earned …” he snarled as he waved his wand over the glasses and bottle casting a silent diagnostic charm.  No potions or jinxes. It was just the Muggle liquor then.

“Ok.” James smiled and to Severus' surprise, so did Remus.  Black rolled his eyes again.

“To Prongs!  _ Raise your can of beer on high… and seal your fate forever… our best years have passed us by… the golden age of leather.”  _ sang Sirius and Remus, James laughed.  Severus picked up his glass and threw the shot back with the others, wondering what the hell they were singing and what he had gotten himself into.  His mouth filled with the burn of minty black licorice, which, he decided wasn’t entirely unpalatable. He might even grow to like it if he had another.

As the shot worked through his body, he felt himself gradually relax into the company of the three men he had been effectively sworn enemies of his whole school life.  For Lily, he would try.

He excused himself from the table to go to the toilet.  He really needed a reality check. Was this happening? They surely couldn’t be so bad if Lily loved them...

When he returned to the table, he saw three empty tumblers, and one waiting for him.

“A present from Rosmerta,” Sirius gestured at the empty glasses, “She called it ‘Starry Night’, there’s one for you too.” he pointed at the glass expectantly, a black liquid swirling with silver specks. 

“Starry Night?” shit.  He cursed himself for forgetting -- what was in this bloody Muggle Jägermeister?  It wasn’t like him to forget  _ anything _ , but clearly, he had forgotten to tell her not to deliver the drinks- not yet anyway. And, there were only supposed to be three drinks not four.  Fuck. They’d drank them and expected him to follow suit.

“What is that?” jeered Sirius, pointing to Snape's shoulder and looked him up and down.  “You’re not really wearing that are you?” He looked to James and Remus, questioning them silently.  As if it wasn’t bad enough that the git looked like he’d just stepped out of Saturday Night Fever! God, with his grey corduroy flares, liberally sprinkled with green paisley, and that shirt — pale green with tuxedo ruffles — Sirius thought he looked like an oversized sickly frog — and… he was wearing a bloody handbag! Nothing like blending into Muggle society.  At least they were amongst wizards for the time being. 

“Wearing what?” Snape said drawing out his ‘w’s’, his hand going to his hip and tossing his black hair over his shoulder.  He was starting to feel more relaxed by the minute with these men and even Black’s criticism was not affecting him like usual.  It felt good to wear something other than black robes, and he was almost excited to see where they would be ‘pub crawling’ tonight.

“The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you just fuckin' with me?” Sirius looked at him through squinted eyes.

“It's where I keep all my things. I actually get a lot of compliments on this. Plus, it's not a purse, it's called a  _ satchel _ . Gandalf the Grey wears one.” Snape answered matter of factly as if everyone knew what a satchel was.  Lily had told him to dress ‘Muggle’, and what was more Man-Muggle than a satchel?

“So does Slughorn.” Sirius sniped. “What have you got in there anyways?  And, drink your fucking ‘Starry Night’ Snape, we want another drink. The man purse —  fuck me…” he shook his head in disbelief.

“I think not… “Snape started, trying to think of some way to avoid this dilemma.  He wouldn’t be drinking  _ that _ drink.  That carefully calibrated drink  — of which there were only supposed to be three, not four —  contained a certain Muggle ‘additive’ acquired from the shady con Mundungus Fletcher, or ‘Shadowman’, as he was known in certain circles.  That ‘additive’, had been guaranteed to put the three Gryffindors into a quiet sleep, to make them appear as if they had passed out from alcohol abuse.  It would allow him to spend most of the night free of their company, but still appeasing Lily that he had tried, and he, of course, was the better man. And of course, being Muggle made, it was undetectable using diagnostic spells. Damn that Rosmerta! Had he needed to bloody write the instructions down? Three drinks; use this flavoured ‘Muggle schnapps’; serve it when he  _ wasn’t _ around.  Was she a complete dunderhead?  _ Obviously _ .

“Don’t you trust us Sev?” said James, with an honest look of puzzlement on his face. “I swear to Circe; we haven’t done anything to the drink.  Rosmerta herself gave it to us, for me…” he beamed now, “...for my Stag night! Come on mate! We’re starting afresh, yeah?”

“Yeah, come on Snape… join our wolf pack for the night at least.” grinned Remus, and Sirius laughed.

“Good one Moony!” they fist-bumped at the inside joke.

Sirius held out the drink to Snape, his eyes stern as if challenging the man to refuse the drink, to refuse the armistice.

Snape quickly did a calculation about the drink’s efficiency given that the doses were not full strength as intended— what could the effect be now?  Shadowman had insisted that the gear Snape had ordered would do the job — that it would cover three doses — but now it had been split into four, he feared that it wouldn’t knock the men on their arses as intended, most likely just subdue them.  It was worth the risk then, to take a drink. If his luck held, maybe they’d all just suffer fatigue and decide to call it a night. At the very worst, he presumed, they would all relax and possibly lose some of their inhibitions.

 He didn’t want to acknowledge the small part of him that felt disappointed in not being able to Muggle-out, he’d always wanted to see what all the fuss was about, ever since watching the film ‘Saturday Night Fever’ last year.  Nobody knew his dirty little secret: that he wanted to be a disco dancer; he wanted to be King of the Floor.

“Of course.  Potter… Lupin…  _ Black _ …” he took the drink and slammed it down fast.  It did not taste as good as it looked, and he tried to keep his eyes impassive, as the bitter liquid burned down his throat.

Satisfied, Sirius turned back to the table and poured another shot for everyone.

“Really didn’t taste as pretty as it looked.” Snape’s head shot up to see Rosmerta standing at his side.  Crap. Five glasses then.

“I couldna resist, sorry, I just hadta ‘av a taste.  I think, if I were t’ add it t’ the menu, that I’d put’n ingredient in t’ pack a punch rather thana burn… better for the’ punters you see, they’ll a like somethin’ to giv’ ‘em kick in the guts, than a burn in the’ t’roat,” she said rolling her ‘r’s’ exaggeratedly knowing that’s what the men liked (especially the British lads)  — a true Scots lass, cheeky and full of sass. She sauntered away, hips swinging, and looked over her shoulder to see them watching her. She winked, to whom they didn’t know, but it left three of them hoping it was them.

“Right then,” Sirius said excitedly, grinning at them, the ‘Starry Night’ was starting to work its way through their system, filling them with a hazy relaxed feeling. “Let's finish these off and get the fuck outta here.  Prongs, I have a big surprise for you. We’re off to find Lucy!”

A thought caught in Severus’ mind, and he felt an urgent need to spit it out, he couldn’t have stopped his mouth if he wanted to right now.

“You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner…”  Severus began, not realising that what he was admitting and to who.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Sirius mumbled to himself.

“...I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.” he continued, directing a burning gaze at Sirius. “But when my sister, Lily, told me Potter was going to be family, I knew he was going to be one of my own, whether I liked it or not.  At the time I didn’t. Now I am less…  _ perturbed _ ... and my wolf pack... it seems to have now grown by one. So there... there are two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone, first in the pack, and now I have allowed James to join me.”

“Wow, awfully kind of you Snape,” said James looking slightly confused by this heartfelt speech spewing forth from a man who he tolerated- and only because of Lily, “but Moony and Pads here are my Pack. Thanks for… um… offering?” he looked to Remus and Sirius out of the corner of his eye.

“It is no offer, Potter.  I am an alpha; you will join me in my pack because we will be family.”  It was a statement; Severus considered no debate on the matter. The three Marauders, however, looked at Snape like he had just grown an extra head.  Who was this guy?

Snape continued, “I have always despised you all...completely.  But now I see, James will not come to me unless you do. And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the forest together, in London, looking for strippers and cocaine.”

Remus and Sirius looked at Snape, jaws agape.

James, however, at the mention of another woman's name, followed by the mention of strippers, appeared suddenly very anxious.  “Who’s Lucy? You better not have organised a stripper Pads, Lily will fucking kill me, then rip your bollocks off.”

“Yes… she would,” Snape agreed, “and then make you eat them.  But I imagine they’d not be your first, would they, Black? Bet you fancy a good cup of ‘tea’?” The Marauders turned and stared at Snape, who oblivious to their stares, was chuckling and pouring more shots.  James’ eyes were wide in worry, anticipating a flying fist any second, the sickening crack of that broken hooked nose, blood, having to explain it to Lily….

Remus broke into hysterics.  Who would have thought Snape could laugh let alone be so outrageously… laddish.

Sirius remained stone-faced, staring at Snape’s face and reached to take the shot from his hands.

“I’m more of coffee bloke myself _Sev,_ no patience for brewing and steeping, but I imagine you’d like a good cup of ‘tea’, nice and strong and... _black_.  And bags only, not pot, am I right?”  He took the shot from Snape, and slowly trailed his eyes down from the man’s dark eyes to the shirt that reminded him of pus.  James and Remus stared back and forth amongst the two; James getting ready to restrain Sirius or hex Snape (or possibly both) while Remus continued to laugh, his voice rough and low.

“I like coffee in the morning, and tea in the afternoon, both… black… no sugar, no need for sweetness, I like… bold bitterness.” He knew he was encouraging this double-entendre conversation, but he was feeling relaxed and playful- and isn’t this what one did to bond; took the piss and shot the breeze?

Sirius didn’t respond.  He tipped back the drink, rolling the liquid in his mouth before swallowing.  He cocked his head, “You should unbutton that shirt  _ Sev,  _ you think Tony Manero walked around looking like he had a stick up his arse?”

Severus blanched.  Sirius Black knew who Tony Manero was.

 

 


	3. Have you met Lucy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is... Oh no!

  1.  Have you met Lucy?



 

6:10 pm

Stepping outside the tavern, the four passed the bottle of Jägermeister between them, swigging the last of the liquid back.  ‘Starry Night’ was working its way through their bodies, playfully mingling with the consumed shots. The two Animagi and werewolf seemed to be faring better than their newest ‘pack member’; Snape was...  _ different _ .  He seemed to be mellowing, losing the sharp angles, although the ones he had would still no doubt be able to draw blood.

“Gentlemen, if you would like to follow me, I would like to take you to meet a new friend of mine.”  Sirius shrugged into his leather jacket and pulled a packet of cigarettes out of the pocket. He shook it and tapped on his palm until one popped up from the opening — a useful trick he’d learned from the Muggles. Offering them around, he was surprised to see Snape take one.  Ever the showman, Sirius took a compact box out of his other pocket and produced a small pale stick with a red tip. Looking at his expectant audience, he put the match to his tongue and in a fast motion struck it- producing a flare which turned to flame.

He smiled when he saw his friends were impressed; he smirked when he saw Snape narrow his eyes, obviously trying to discern if he used magic to light it.

“Now, before we start, I have to tell you that this is not compulsory…” Sirius stared directly at Snape who stood holding an unlit cigarette, “...but meeting Lucy together is supposed to be a bonding experience...so, if you have the balls, I have a crazy fucking night planned.”  He looked to Remus and finally to James.

“I’m in… but only because there needs to be one responsible adult on this adventure.” Remus said in a tone, not unlike a supervising teacher.

“Of course I’m in,” said James, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet, “I trust you brother.”  he clasped Sirius’ wrist in a firm grip. “Pack travel together.”

They stared at Snape, still holding his unlit cigarette, the late afternoon sun shining on his pale face.  His eyes narrowed.

“I don’t trust any of you, not farther than I could kick you.  I’m doing this for Lily, to keep an eye on you all, because, despite your admission Lupin, I do not consider you the responsible adult of this party.  Obviously, that is  _ me _ . I’m in.” Snape gave them all a hard look.  He really did want to let loose tonight, he was already feeling different to how he normally felt, like his sense of responsibility was slowly slipping away- so best he speak up before it left him altogether.

“But  — I warn you  — all of you, if you cross me, if this is a vile trick, I will not be held accountable for my use of retribution.  Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” stated Sirius. “Ok fellas, since this is a Muggle themed night, we need to establish some ground rules.  Ok?”

“Ok”

“Yep”

Sigh. “Agreed”

Sirius cleared his throat.  “One: we do not use magic tonight. Using magic will only draw attention to us — and besides, I really don’t think we should use magic… um… tonight.”

“And why would we render ourselves defenceless, Black?” Snape queried.  He was already starting to regret agreeing to this malarkey.

“Because,  _ Snape _ , under the influence of Muggle alcohol and other things, it would be considered irresponsible, to not be fully in control of our magic, even for you.  We are pretending to be Muggles. We will act like Muggles. We are Muggle men — tonight anyway… even if some of us — one of us — is dressed like a frog.”  Again, he looked the man up and down shaking his head. “I’ve made provisions for our trip, I have supplies; actually Snape, I have a use for you.”

Snape eyed him warily.

“Your purse. We can use your purse Mr. Responsible.  I’m getting sick of carrying this shit around.” Sirius reached inside his jacket, into a secret pocket and withdrew a small cloth bag.  Muttering an Enlarging Charm, it resumed its correct size. Sirius reached inside and withdrew four rolls of Muggle money. “One each, spending money for tonight… for incidentals.”

He reached inside the bag again and handed two extra packets of cigarettes to Snape to accompany the rolls of cash. “I’ll keep the rest for now.”

Taking the cash and cigarettes, Snape deposited them in his bag, which was obviously charmed with an Extension Charm.

“For the last time… Black… this is a satchel, not a purse.  I’ll kindly ask you not to refer to it as such again.

“Whatever, man.” Sirius dismissed him.

“You said ‘other things’; Pads, what do you mean ‘other things’?” Remus asked suspiciously.

“Too late Moony, you agreed, so just relax and go with it.  I suppose you might already know what ‘other things’ might mean.  I bet you have some of it with you right now.”

Sirius doubted the others could hear the low grumble in Remus’ chest, “You know I only use it for my monthlies, well, and to keep the wolf at bay… but yeah, I’ve got some.”  He said reaching inside his denim jacket and pulling out a small silver tin. He sighed, opening it to show the other.

“Wicked.” said James bending over to breathe it in; a heady earthy smell, sweetly sandalwood like filling his lungs, “Reeeemuuusss… always has the goods.” Remus looked like a child that had been caught with a secret stash of chocolate and now had to share it with his siblings.

He smiled at James’ goofy smile, “Well Prongs, you know we share everything, so of course we can… this is new, just in from Amsterdam for me. It’s good for pain and stress, super chill, but keeps me with a clear mind.”

“Right then,” Sirius continued wanting to get back to the topic at hand, “Lucy is visiting us from America, we are going on a little Muggle trip  — so to speak — to meet her…” He looked at the other wizard, a playful smile emerged on his face.

“We have a ticket for our trip, our ‘ticket to ride’ as the Muggles say.”

Reaching under the cardboard lip of his packet of smokes he withdrew a strip of white paper, perforated into four squares.  On each square sat a solid black circle, with two smaller circles atop of it like ears. “Lucy comes to us from our sponsors in the big ol’ U-S- of-A, our conductor for the trip will be a mouse I think… well, that’s what I was told… his name is Mickey.”

“ _ Clearly _ I have missed something.” drawled Snape.  “We are going somewhere, with an American named Lucy, who is relying on a mouse named Mickey to… what… drive a bus?  What the hell are you talking about Black? Even  _ I _ cannot follow you.” He looked to the strip of paper and then to James and Remus to ascertain if they had any idea what this crazy degenerate was talking about.

Remus, ever the clever one and being a half-blood Muggle, was the first to catch on.

“You fucking didn’t!  You did though, didn’t you! … Pads, I don’t know whether to be amused or alarmed.  And where the hell did you find these?” His eyes were wide, flashing a momentary golden as his inner wolf woke to the adrenaline rush.

“Shadowman.  And, I’ve been assured that this is the real deal.  C’mon Moony, you agreed, and gentlemen never break an agreement.”

“I’m also werewolf… I don’t know mate; we don’t even know how this will work for us.  It’s  _ Muggle…” _

At the mention of Shadowman, Snape’s head snapped up, alerted to the precarious situation he was in.  If Sirius had met with Shadowman, then these strips of paper, Muggle or not, were to be treated with caution.  Did Mundungus mention the ‘additive’ he’d supplied Snape with? The one running through their veins right now? Suddenly paranoid, he questioned Sirius.

“Shadowman.  You  _ do _ realise that wizard is of dubious origins?  He dabbles in things that we do not understand.” 

“I  _ know _ who he is Snape, everyone knows who Dung is and what he dabbles in.” Sirius fixed him with a hard look.

“So, you're telling me, that this seemingly innocuous looking piece of paper, is courtesy of Shadowman?  It will most certainly be illegal, to Muggle and wizard both!”

“It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane,” Sirius said light-heartedly, pointing to the sky to demonstrate his point.  Lily had told them about airplanes.

“I'm pretty sure that's illegal too,” said Remus flatly.

“Only if you get caught.  And we won’t be caught Moony.  Snape, look mate, you can join us or not, no one’s holding a wand to your head.  I don’t give a fat rats arse either way. I bought you one though, so... you know, your choice.  If it makes any difference to you, I thought we might go dancing later- you certainly seem dressed for it.”

The wanker! Snape knew he was playing dirty now.  The responsible part of his mind, the logical part of his brain told him that he was about to make a poor life choice, that he would regret saying yes, that he should walk away and leave these morons to their own devices.  But then he thought of Lily, and how she would never forgive him if he let anything bad become of them. Plus, he really wanted to rip up the dance floor. He was so for it that his belly started jiggling with anticipation.  His impassive mask in place, he appeared to consider what he was being presented with.

“And where are we meeting this Lucy?  I must admit Black, I am…  _ curious _ …  Fine.  I’ll go along with your idiocy- but only to be the responsible one and to keep you lot out of trouble.  For Lily’s sake.” There. It was done, he couldn’t renege now.

James’ mind was working a little slower than Remus’ at this point, but he was giving zero fucks right now and was wanting to get this party started.  “Yeah! Cool to have you with us Sev.” He banged a congratulatory hand on the man's pale green back. 

“Ok, rule two.  James — this is for you, kid.”

“Hey! I’m not a kid! I’m eighteen. Legally a man, and I’m getting married.” retorted James

“Man-child, then.”

“You’re only six months older than me Sirius…”

“Which gives me the most experience at being an adult.  Now, if you’ll just block it for a moment Prongs, I’ll finish  _ règle deux.  _ Now,” holding two fingers up, Sirius looked around the group using his most adult expression, “I really want to get this show on the road, so this is the second rule: James. Is. Priority.  His safety equals our safety- got it? This night is for him, this is his last night of freedom. As much as I love Evans, quite frankly, she scares me… so keeping him safe is priority uno.  We all value our balls, don’t we? Right.”

James gave Sirius a hard stare.  He was quite right, as much as they loved his soon to be wife, she could be a little scary when she got mad.  He should know.

“And finally,… what happens with Lucy, stays with Lucy.”

James looked less comfortable with this rule.  “No stripper then?” He wanted reassurance, and Remus chuckled.

“No. No strippers Prongs — trust us.” He winked watching his friend squirm.

“Can I make a suggestion, Prongs?”  Remus lounged against the streetlight behind him.  Even lounging he stood a half a head taller than Snape.

“Mister Moony, please do.” Sirius flourished his hand dramatically as if granting permission for a child to speak.

“I think, for the best outcome of Rule One, that we all participate in a short-lived charm that will make us forget we are wizards.  For our safety, and the safety of others…” he held up a hand to silence Snape who looked to interrupt him, “...you know the one Pads, the one we used on Prongs last year when we made him forget who Lily was.”

“Yes, I remember… Lupin… I still have the scar on my arse where she hexed me.”

“Pricks,” said James quietly. “But at least it wasn’t me in trouble that time,” he added with a smile.

Snape looked on at this banter.  Would friends really charm each other to forget something so important?  How old were these men? Twelve?

“And, to make sure that in this, ah, forgetful stage, that we don’t lose our wands, I think that we should cast a ‘Forget-Me-Not’ Charm on them, so even if we don’t know what they are, we won’t lose them.  A ‘ _ dominus ad’  _ should do it; I could even add a specified time period to it- what do you think?”  He turned to look at Snape, eyebrows raised in questioning.

“I think that, is... acceptable.” Snape nodded.  He felt more comfortable knowing that during a short-lived Forgetting Charm his wand would remain close by.

“Good thinking Moony, now, can we get on with this?  I think we should all do the ‘dominus’ charm together and then we each do the ‘immemores’ in unison on ourselves. Yeah?”

All the men agreed. 

“So, gents, before we ‘forget’ we need to go to our rendezvous point to start this night off! Remus, James, you remember where we saw ‘Star Wars’ last year… it’s not far from there, so apparate to the gardens, near the statue, Ok?’

The men looked to Sirius who held out his arm to Snape.  Snape clamped his hand down on the leather-clad arm, his last thoughts before the lurching pull of the apparition was ‘ _ What the hell have I gotten myself into? _ ’

 


	4. Ignorance is bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It really is...

  1.   Ignorance is bliss



 

6:15 pm

Standing beside the statue in Leicester Square Gardens, Severus looked up to the stone man who seemed to be looking down at him, almost as if he were expecting a question to be asked.   _ There is no darkness but ignorance: _ the stone scroll read, tumbling artfully from the statue’s hand.

Remus looked up into the statue-man’s eyes.  “William Shakespeare. A famous Muggle playwright...although, I find that description dubious.  The Muggle part, not the famous bit.” he turned to Snape, “Have you heard of him? Surely? No? Well, you should check him out, his plays really are fantastic.”

Snape continued to study the statue. “It really is quite profound… that.” He said pointing to the text. “The Muggles live in darkness, don’t they?”

“Some, yes.  Whether they would accept us if they ever really knew, well, that is another matter entirely.  Shakespeare wrote about witches in one of his plays:  _ Fillet of a fenny snake/ In the cauldron boil and bake/ Eye of newt, and toe of frog/ Wool of bat, and tongue of dog/ Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting/ Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing/ For a charm of powerful trouble/ Like a hell-broth boil and bubble _ .” Remus quoted, looking at Snape, his eyebrows raised.

“How could he know?... unless… well, you are most likely correct, he was a wizard.” Snape seemed impressed; a wizard posing as a Muggle, passing off the ingredients for pain relief potion as a literary device.

“C’mon you two.  Let’s move it.” the two wizards abandoned their brief moment of intellectual bonding and followed Sirius.  Snape gave the stone Shakespeare a look over his shoulder as they walked away. He would have to find out more about this man.

 


	5. Buckle your belts, Boys!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope they're nice and tight...

  1.  Buckle your belts, Boys!



 

6:30 pm

Inside the townhouse the men relaxed, lounging in the overstuffed chairs nursing glasses of Ardbeg single malt whisky.

The townhouse, formerly belonging to one Alphard Black, had been left to Sirius — along with a sizeable inheritance — on his untimely death the previous year.  His childless Uncle, being somewhat of a renegade himself, had taken pity on the exiled heir to the most ancient House of Black, leaving Sirius with not only a generous amount of gold but also a place to claim refuge.  The acceptance of the fortune and property by the younger Master Black, however, had caused his infuriated mother to blast his Uncle from the family tapestry — another thing they had in common.

Only having visited the townhouse twice before (once to prepare for this night), Sirius was still at odds at what to do with the place. Technically it was his; energetically though, it still felt like ‘Black’ property.  Having moved into an apartment with Remus in Diagon Alley, the two friends had created their own home, one they jokingly named the ‘Doghouse’— one that they knew they had created without the assistance of family, and it felt good. 

“Moony, would you care to roll a spliff?  Gents, now we are relaxed and have settled in, please know that despite not using magic for the foreseeable future, the house will recognise us.  Now, if you are ready to meet Lucy, raise your hands.”

Three sets of hands were raised.  Slowly a fourth joined them.

“Goodo!  Well, here we go then.  May the paths in front of us be wide and bright, may we meet the lovely Lucy tonight.”  Sirius’ smile was wide and eager, his anticipation bubbling to the surface. He removed the strip of paper from his cigarette pack, carefully ripped along the perforations, and handed each man a small square of the paper. 

“Ok, Snuffles.  What do we do next? Is this like a portkey somewhere?’ asked James, genuinely curious.

“Oh, sweet child.  This is more than a portkey; this is an exclusive pass into another reality.” Sirius patted James’ knee condescendingly.  “All we need to do fellas is to place this small, innocuous-looking square on our tongues, and wait. Don’t swallow, let the Muggle magic seep into your system.  Keep it on your tongue until it dissolves. Once we do that, we perform the spells for Rule One. Are we ready?”

“Ah… I guess as ever as I ever will be Pads.” Remus eyed Sirius speculatively.  Despite his seeming reluctance, he was excited — Sirius and he had discussed this offhandedly only a few times, both uncertain how this Muggle ‘drug’ would work in their magical systems, especially their slightly  _ animalistic _ systems.

“Yes.  I trust you, Sirius.  Please, don’t let me die or Lily will kill me.” James nodded in acceptance.

“Despite my usual better judgement, which has conveniently decided to abscond with my caution, yes.  I’m ready. Lily will kill you all if something happens to me. There, you have been  _ warned _ .” Snape said in a deadpan fashion that one would attribute to boredom if it were not for the furious tapping of his finger at the side of his leg.

“Ok, Well, here we go then.  Yiew!” Sirius’ excitement was now palpable, so much so, that he looked like a child about to open long-awaited Christmas gifts.

The men all took the black marked squares and placed them atop their tongues.  They sat back, eyes darting to one another, waiting for something to happen. Nothing did. 

“Pads, are we supposed to be feeling anything right now?  You shouldn’t have trusted that con; Shadowman will rip you off as soon as look at you.  How do we know that this is  _ even _ Acid?”  Remus looked annoyed and impatient.

“Acid?  What the fuck Pads?!  You never said this was Acid!”  James’ eyes were filled with worry and what  — disappointment? “So, we aren’t going on a bus with a mouse? And who is this Lucy?”

“Relax mate.  Both of you.” Sirius held his hands up to placate his fellow Marauders.  “It takes a little while to set in. Prongs- Lucy  _ is  _ the Acid- and the trip she takes us on is, I don’t know, something to do with a giant American mouse.  I don’t know… it’s a Muggle thing… anyways, Rule One. Wands ready, we do the modified Sticking Charm first followed by the Forgetfulness Charm. On the count of three…” he glanced at Snape who he could see was becoming more relaxed by the minute. Something was obviously working for the man.

“Ok.  One… two… three…” all four men lifted their wands in unison.

“ _ Mane apud dominus; Noli mei oblivisci  _ ” 

“ _ Brevi immemores maģija un día” _

The four of them sat, mute, staring into space before them where their wands had just been.  Sirius was first to speak.

“Hmmm.  I seem to have forgotten what we were just discussing... James?  Remus? Sev?” He looked like he had been hit with a confundus charm as he turned to each man individually.

“Sorry, I can’t remember.”

“Ah… me either.”

Snape just sighed.  “My tongue is tingling.  Why is my tongue tingling?”

“I don’t know, man,” Sirius said earnestly.  “But I do know that Remus should spark up that big dooby in front of him.” Sirius nudged Remus’ foot to hurry him up.

Remus picked up the thin joint in front of him and sparked it to life with a cheap Bic lighter. He closed his eyes as the sweet smoke tumbled down into his lungs, bringing an immediate sense of relief and comfort.  Exhaling, eyes closed, he took another drag and passed it sideways to James. 

“Pass the dutchie to the left-hand side,” said Sirius as James languidly handed it over to him.  He drew down the smoke, holding it in, then exhaling in a series of smoky rings. Snape watched him in wonder, was he part dragon?

“You want?” Sirius said on the inhale, squinting to look at Snape.

“I’ve never smoked before, but tonight, I really don’t care!” The man reached for the joint and took his first drag. The smoke caught in his throat and he coughed, reaching for his whisky to soothe his throat.

“No! You can’t drink, not yet,” said Sirius extending his tongue to show a partially dissolved paper bit, “besides, you have to cough to get off.” he finished, encouraging with his hand for Snape to have another drag.  He did, this time more successfully, and the men all watched as Snape leaned back into the chair, and exhaled staring at the chandelier above him.

“Like a pro, Sev.” James encouraged him.  The joint continued around the circle until it was burnt down to the roach.  The men sat, silenced again, Miss Mary Jane working her plant magic on them.

Severus pointed to the chandelier above him, unable to find words to describe the most wondrous marvel he had ever seen  — so marvellous it had rendered him speechless. The afternoon sun was shining through a balcony window and had hit the teardrops of cut crystal, sending smatterings of rainbows across the ornately plastered roof.

The others, following his finger with their eyes, beheld the miracle of reflected light before them.

“Is that God?” whispered James reverently. “It is God! God is here with us today; God is with us every day.  God is light!” so moved by his pronounced epiphany, tears rolled from his eyes.

They all stared, awestruck at the bright rainbows above them.

“If God is light, though, what does it mean when we close our eyes?” said Snape, recovering his powers of speech.  No one could answer because they had  _ no _ answer.

“Too deep, man.  Whoa. Is anyone else feeling it?”  Sirius looked to Snape and was taken aback by the moving paisley shapes on his corduroy pants —  the shapes moving like green tadpoles on his legs. “Whoa! Snape! Are you a frog, man? Or a frog-man? Because you have tadpoles on your legs!”  Rainbows forgotten, Sirius animatedly tried to get Remus and James to look at Snape’s legs.

“No way!”

“Fuck off!”

“What the heck?” Snape looked at his pants, seeing the green tadpoles swimming on his legs.  “Am I a frog? I’m not a frog. Am I?” he implored the others to answer, but before he could he felt his stomach lurch and his tongue began to tingle again.

Snape looked around at the men, who were staring at him open-mouthed.  James looked like he was about to have a conniption; his mouth wordlessly mouthing ‘fuck’ over and over like a chant, his eyes roaming the body of the man in front of him.

“What’s wrong Potter?” Severus whispered trying to keep the panic from his voice. “Why are you looking at me like that? Black? Lupin? What’s wrong?”

Remus pointed at him.

Severus stared back.

“Um…” started Sirius, swallowing hard, “... um, well… you’re a frog. Snape? You’re a fucking green frog.”

“I’m dead. She’s going to fucking kill me.” James moaned, his head falling to his hands.

Snape looked from the men down to his hands. His beloved hands! His elegantly long fingers (that he knew he valued but could not remember why) were now a rather frog-like shade of green  — they were slightly webbed at the finger base and when he held them up to study them further, he could almost see through the translucent webbing. Turning them over, he saw his fingertips mutated with soft pads.

Quickly he stood, trying to see what the rest of him looked like. Where was a fucking mirror? His feet! A strangled sound of panic erupted from his throat.

“Riddip.” He clasped his hands in terror over his mouth as if to prevent any other frog-like noises.  He looked to Sirius in horror.

“Rrrrrrr….what-have-you-done-to-me...dip!”

Sirius could say nothing. The frog-man before him was equally fascinating and terrifying.  He still looked like Snape, except for the green skin — a darker green coated his legs, arms, and face, with his underside a pale, sickly green.  Snape looked down to his feet again. Oh, sweet fucking Circe! He wasn’t wearing any clothes, and his feet were… huge! He cried out again. Where were his groovy new disco shoes?

Remus spoke next, the worry he felt showing in his eyes. “Pads, what the actual fuck?!  Snape is a fucking frog! What the hell did Shadowman give you- give  _ us _ ?  Are we all going to be amphibians?” He was pacing now, searching frantically for frogginess on himself.

“I don’t know.  Oh shit. Lily is going to fucking have my balls for this…” he stopped mid-speech inclining his head to the side studying Snape's naked frog body with abject curiosity. “... speaking of balls though…”

Snape looked from Remus to Sirius, his horror turning to fury.

“I’m going to kill you, Black!  You did this on purpose! I trusted you, I… pffth…” a long pink tongue darted out of his mouth like an out of control hose and attached itself to his eyeball.

“Awwwghph...HAWPPPP!” Snape shrieked.

James, who had stopped his apocalyptic mantra, stared at the man.  And then he began to giggle. The giggles turned into a deep throaty laugh —  hysteric laced anxiety. He laughed and looked from Snape to Sirius to Remus and then back to Snape again.

“There must be some way to fix this.  Do we take him to an animal doctor? What are they called again?” James giggled, his attention turning to Remus who he knew would probably know more about this than him for some reason.

“A Veterinarian.  That’s what they’re called, but I’m not entirely sure they deal with men that turn into frogs.  There must be something…” He paused, a cloudy memory of his childhood surfacing. “I do remember a story from my childhood about a prince who was turned into a frog by a witch, and was returned to a man by a princess kissing him.  I don’t know any princesses though- do you, Pads?”

“Why would I know any princesses, Remus? Really, man, I’m good but I’m not that good.  Hey, how far is the Queen from here? Maybe we could slip into the palace and get Lizzie to drop one on him?

“Walk into Buckingham Palace with a green frog-man?  That’s your plan? Seriously…”

“GAWWWPHEEE” Snape screamed, interrupting them.  The men all looked at him, trying to decipher his speech.

“Well, we don’t have time to waste; it’s going to have to be one of us then,” Sirius stated, pouring a double shot of whiskey. “And, it’s not going to be me kissing the slimy git.  I say Prongs takes one for the team… after all, they are practically family now.” he drank a large mouthful and swallowed, looking at James.

“Yes, definitely James.” said Remus, pouring himself another drink. “You’re up, mate.  Your turn to be the hero we all know you are. Just close your eyes and think of Lily- or lily pads… whatever.” he spluttered as Sirius spat his whisky across the table in laughter.  Despite the seriousness of the situation, both men suddenly found the situation hilarious. After all, how often do you have a naked man-frog before you with his long pink tongue stuck to his eyeball?

“Fuck you two.” snarled James. “He can’t stay like this, and I’ll at least be the one who is trying to unfuck us all for this colossal cluster fuck.”  He stood and moved over to Severus, who was watching him with wide, vengeful eyes. James closed the distance between them, first reaching out to pinch hold of the sticky pink tongue.  Grimacing at the unexpected softness of it, he pulled at the tissue gently, trying to dislodge it from the man’s own eye. Snape, at the contact of his tongue with James’ fingers, felt a rush of saliva into his mouth, and as if by some miraculous invention of nature, his tongue released, losing its sticky saliva.

Remus handed Snape his own drink and gestured he take it.  Snape did.

Downing the remainder of the amber liquid, he turned to Sirius.

“There will never be any mention of this to anyone outside of this room.   _ Ever _ .  Understood?”  He levelled a chilling look at Sirius, so full of menace that Sirius straightened in his chair.  Anticipating a fight, Sirius was quick on the offensive.

“It’s bad enough Lily made us bring you along, do you think we’d actually fucking _tell_ her you turned into a frog and her fiancée had to kiss you? Like we’d tell _anyone_ that James had to kiss your slimy fucking hand, or… lips… no way!”

Remus replied by placing his large hand over his heart in solidarity.

“Quite the mouth on you…  _ Black _ ... let me tell you, that I was no happier with this arrangement than you.   _ Obviously _ .  And, by the way — ignorant as you are — it’s mucous, not slime.”  Snape looked at him in disdain.

“I don’t know what sounds worse: being covered in slime or being covered in snot.  Either way, it’s fucking disgusting.” Sirius retorted. “Just do it already James! Be careful of his tongue —  that thing could rip your stomach out if he wants to snog you.” Sirius gave Snape a look that said, ‘ _ fuck you _ ’ and smiled at him.

Snape wanted to punch the smart-mouthed man in the face- he wanted to knock that cocky smile off his face and into tomorrow. “Jealous, Black?  Show  _ me _ just what you can do with your pathetic little tongue, hmm?” he taunted.

"Well, since you've got such a long tongue there Snivellus... maybe you could lick your own balls and stop being such an arsehole.”

"Oh, I bet you'd like to see that wouldn't you? You pathetic pounce!"

"Well, if you're offering, I wouldn't say no…”

Remus and James watched the verbal sparring match, intrigued.  “Will you two stop flirting so I can just get this done?” James snapped.  He was not looking forward to this at all. If he had been told that prior to marrying the love of his life that he would be forced to kiss the man he had detested for so long, he would have laughed; or maybe even sock the git suggesting that he’d be kissing Snape, right in the guts.  He was not laughing now. Before his courage deserted him, he launched forward, seizing the man’s green slippery face and placed a hard, chaste kiss on surprised lips.

Pulling back, he released his grip.  He stared. They waited. Nothing happened.

“Um… maybe you  _ do _ need to use a little tongue…” Remus wheezed out, his laugh cutting away the rest of the sentence.  Damn, he knew logically this was not funny, but then again, logically, Snape shouldn’t be a frog either.

He stopped laughing quite suddenly when James moaned, “I don’t feel so good… why is my tongue tingling?  Remus? Siri…” but before he could finish his sentence, his stomach lurched, and he was suddenly quite dizzy.  Opening his eyes, he saw his two best friends standing like they had been frozen in time- mouths hanging open and eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Sirius spoke first.  “Well, I guess we can’t be a wolf pack anymore… is it going to be an army of amphibians?”

James followed their stares and slowly looked down. 

He screamed.  “Ridddipppp!”

“James… green is not a good colour on you…” howled Sirius, dropping to the floor in uncontrollable laughter. 

Remus fell to his knees, breathless with laughter. “We are  _ so _ fucked.”

 


	6. We love Lucy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just go with it...

  1.  We love Lucy!



 

*time unknown

James fell to the floor, his froggy legs suddenly weak.  He felt like crying. There was no way Lily would marry him now.  Gone was his future- it dissipated right before his eyes, like the smoke from the joint they had just finished.  No children. No little black-headed or red-haired children to run around and play with. At best, he might be able to kiss Lily and see if she’d turn into a frog too… then, they might at least be able to have tadpoles someday.  James Potter- father to pollywogs! And what did frog-men eat? Would he have to spend his days looking for flies and bugs to munch on? How would he provide for his frog family?

The sounds of his friend's breathless laughs were too much.  He sprang up to his feet, astonished at his flexibility and grace.   _ At least I have a good set of legs _ he thought. He always was a bit of a legs man.

“I don’t see how we can fix this.” He looked to Snape, expecting to see the man equally as distraught.  Instead, he was also on the floor, only now he appeared to be trying to swim gracefully on the Persian carpet. Snape's eyes were closed —  bliss like — his hands moving out in front of him in a graceful arc, his lean (but muscular) froggy legs bunching up near his hips and shooting out in a powerful kick.

“What the…” started James, but then he saw it.  The rich details of the rug morphed before his eyes into a swirling sea of colour, thick and molasses-like, but a pool of inviting liquid nonetheless.  His whole body ached to join Snape and frolic in the kaleidoscope of wonder right there on the wooden floor. Fortunately for them both, two large rugs graced the floor.  Perfect! One each!

James sprung over to the unoccupied pool of patterns and dove in with a thud. 

“ _ This is amazing, _ ” he thought, glancing at his frog friend who was now languidly backstroking in his own pool.  “ _ I love being a frog _ !” the water felt warm and inconsequential- like it was hardly even touching his skin, and he was tempted to try to dive down to see what lay beneath the surface of the patterns. He took a deep breath and tried to dive.  Something was stopping him from completely submerging himself, which annoyed him, but the feeling was soon forgotten as he too decided to backstroke it for a bit. Above him, rainbows danced on the roof from the chandelier, and James felt like he had found Nirvana. 

His reverie was broken by Sirius and Remus looking down at him, tears dripping from their faces.  So great was their mirth that they were unable to speak. Why were they laughing at him? Was this some sort of frog directed jealousy- were they going to be sore at him and Severus because of the rapture they had found?  As quickly as the thought came, it fluttered away, and he decided he didn’t give a flying fuck.

“You guys should join us; the water is amazing.  I bet you’ve never seen such colourful water in your life.  Come on in!” He gestured, lifting his hand from the swirling patterns, watching drops of indigo and red fall from his green fingers.

Sirius and Remus looked at the men swimming on the rugs.  This was the funniest thing they had seen in their lives. It was so exceptionally hilarious that they could not talk, however, as if by some sort of telepathic link, they both knew what each other was thinking.  Wiping tears from their faces, they listened as James spoke. And then they saw it too. Two pools of moving colours, so fascinating that they just had to join in! They looked at each other, and in wordless agreement, began removing their clothes —  after all, who knew if these colours would stain?

Sirius considered keeping his underwear on but thought that it was only fair since the two frog-men were naked, that he should at least join them; besides, he was really quite curious as to how the colours felt.  Would they all feel the same? The indigo looked much heavier than the gold that swam like liquid smoke in the riot of patterns before him. He cautiously dipped in a toe, pleased that the colours were pleasant to the touch.  He decided to dive in, but like James, landed with a muffled ‘thunk’.

“Moony!  Come on in, man- this is groovy beyond words!” Sirius called, pure pleasure ecstasy overtaking him.  He joined James, floating on his back looking at the roof.

Remus needed no further encouragement, and threw the remaining clothes off, as he tried to cannonball into the pool with Snape.  He was not impressed when his arse hit the coloured pool with a jarring force.

“Ow!  These colours are not soft at all!  So deceptive!” he moaned.

“Just relax on your back Lupin,” murmured Snape, trying not to feel pissed off that he had to share his special pool.  He looked at Remus, thoroughly, appreciating the sight before him. He had never seen the man naked before, but the thought of his looming bulk of muscles floating next to him was giving him a funny feeling in his belly.  Could frogs get hard-ons?

“Do you work out?” Severus asked casually.

“No, I don’t think so.  I can’t remember really.  Why? Want a piece of this do you Snape? Or perhaps yo want the whole thang...” Remus looked over to him.   _ What would it be like to have that frog tongue wrapped around my cock _ ? He didn’t want to follow that train of thought as he felt the stirrings of desire start.   _ Having sex with a frog would be immoral _ , he countered his thoughts.  Besides, he was fully exposed here, and he doubted that even the swirling indigos would be able to cover him if ‘Jolly Roger’ started to stand up. Remus tried to talk to his penis telepathically.  Down Roger, down.

As much as he wanted to stay in the pool, being this close to a curious fantasy was distracting him.

“I’m getting out,” he murmured.

“Why… was it something I said?” 

Snape asked, watching him stand, the rivulets of colour dripping from his hard body. He smiled.   _ Was it wrong to want to lick the colours right off those chiseled abs _ ?

Remus stood and shook off the colours like a dog shaking off water.  He watched as the drops of indigo, crimson, gold, and jade hit the surrounding walls and dripped down, disappearing into nothingness.  Calmly, he dressed, noting the sensations of the cloth sliding over his body, both heavy and light at the same time. Remus concluded he was absolutely tripping balls and turned to tell Sirius.  When he did he was shocked.

“Pads! The water has gone! You’re naked on the rug!” Remus was simultaneously disappointed and relieved.

Sirius looked up at him, perplexed, and then looked down to the colours he was floating on.  At Remus’ words, the moving colours disappeared, and he realised that he really was lying spread eagled on his back — naked —next to James… on a rug.

****************************

 


End file.
